Toothpicks

I told someone the other day that I was holding my life together by toothpicks right now. Clearly, I'm spiraling and quite thankful for a God who holds me in His hands and is in control {despite my best efforts}.

{Be forewarned, this is not funny or witty...it's a bummer of a post, so read on at your own discretion.}

So, my poor van. If you'll recall, I was rear-ended a few weeks ago. I called to check the status and was told it was deemed 50/50 liability which means we are out our deductible, rental car costs and, in my state, my premiums will all go up. Say what? For being rear-ended? I insisted the case be re-opened per the suggestion of my mechanic and comments the adjuster said when he was looking at my car (ie, "it looks like you were stopped when hit." and "I'm surprised since you know who the person was that she wouldn't just offer to pay your deductible to avoid the hassle" etc). We are still waiting to hear back. I'm doing the call every day in my sweetest southern accent and try to annoy the poo outta them so they just sort it out to be done with me thing...we'll see how that strategy works. We took a calculated risk and reported that our car had been key'd (ps, who key's a van? seriously?) as it doesn't raise premiums and pays for a rental car. Well, for better or worse, it was able to be buffed out. Saved some money, but we were still out for it and no rental car as it was lower than our deductible. Anyway, went to pick up my car on Friday afternoon (after realizing my garage door opener had been left in the rental van...and they say they never saw it and it isn't there...) and found my right front tire completely flat. Like, the hubcap was resting on the ground flat. They patched it (a rusted nail that had evidently been there a while and the nail head finally rusted off= completely flat) but resulted in new tires. Expensive week for my "as good as new" van.

It's just so frustrating!

Add to that, that I've reached the once or twice a night wake up to pee stage which has left me utterly exhausted and moving the boys in to the same room, which has resulted in a rough week of sleep...I'm just beat {In my opinion, all children have a direct link between behavior and sleep. That is certainly the case for my boys, one in particular.). I have no patience. I find myself with little grace. I wake up and my back hurts before I ever get out of the bed. I told Chris I just long for the day I can breathe and move without pain. There are various things in my life right now leading to some stress and worry on my part (which isn't my normal personality, or of the Lord, so I am definitely praying about that) and I'm just tired. And this baby is violent. I've spent the day nauseous praying I won't get sick, and just have been completely unproductive. My mom asked me the other day if I was "cured" of being pregnant. As I have loved {almost} every second of my previous pregnancies I think she was surprised to hear me say "yes" before she'd finished talking.

I'm sure I'll laugh about it some day. That's usually how that works, right? :)