Feeling my age

{My body is currently screaming at me that I am no longer 20.}

{The fact that I not only thought, but wrote, that adds an additional 10 years to me, I think.}

I was a vendor at a local holiday market today. I had a great time, (and many, many thanks to my mom for driving up to help me and Chris for being awesome and taking all three kids to a birthday party so I could be gone all day!) and was able to sell quite a few things.

In order to prepare to be across town at 8 this morning I set my alarm clock for 6:30. That would be after getting into bed at 4:30 am. Ouch. The house is just so deliciously quiet at night and I am so very productive while not distracted by the little people, phone calls or facebook. :) I had a very long to-do list though, and knew it was bad news when I had to get a diet coke at 11:30 pm.

I made a million burp cloths, bibs, bows and a few other random things and carted down all of my embroidery stuff (including machine!) for on-site personalization. People seemed to be thrilled with the one stop shopping. Fun times!

My little table set-up.



Some of my new products. Cute, huh?







I came home around 4 and fell asleep sitting up on the couch. I awoke to Chris ordering pizza for dinner (good man!). We had a nice family evening just hanging out and playing.

So, without further adieu, goodnight.

A taste of heaven

Today was a big day in our house. First, a year ago today, Anna-Kate asked Jesus to live in her heart. We celebrated her "birthday" as a princess of the King today. We are so proud of her sensitive heart to Jesus and are so thankful (though, upon hearing about her "birthday" she said, "so, do I get treats now?").

However, what has been most on my mind, was little Ryan's exploratory surgery today. I about made myself sick worrying about it Tuesday and Wednesday. I had an absolutely gripping fear that he wasn't going to wake up from the anesthesia. Chris literally had to pray with me about Ryan being the Lord's. It is a scary, scary thing to open your hands to the Lord and acknowledge His ultimate sovereignty and release your child, fully trusting the Lord (although, with or without my acknowledgement it is that way). I was scurrying around last night and went to sleep late. We had to leave our house at 6:30 (that's early for us!). When I woke this morning I wasn't nervous. Every so often I got a little fear in my heart, but overall, I was absolutely surrounded by a peace. I received so many emails, texts and phone calls from friends and family. I cannot begin to express the encouragement that it was to me. The body of Christ is truly beautiful. There have been only a couple of times in my life when I can definitively say that I could really feel prayers and being upheld by the Father. This morning was one of those times, and it was sweet, a taste of what heaven will be like.

Ryan was sweet and cuddly as we waited for his 9 am surgery time. We watched shows together (he was thrilled that Dinosaur Train came on!). They gave him something to make him loopy and it was like he was drunk--hilarious. We couldn't help but laugh as he swayed and his eyes couldn't focus (side note, he refused to wear a pullup and I decided I didn't care enough to force it. He did great and hasn't had an accident in forever--including today). They started to wheel his little bed away and he reached for me, but was too out of it to fuss. I cried, and quietly we prayed for our boy.

The surgery was supposed to be 45 minutes, but the doctor came back about 30 minutes later. All had gone very well, Ryan was in recovery where they were waking him up (I didn't like not being there when they woke him up, but wasn't give a choice in the matter). Dr. N. brought pictures of Ryan's airways and bronchials--which are anatomically perfect. At first I was bummed--there is no solution but to be aware of his tendency to stridor and treat it with steroids. He cuddled with me and drank juice, slushies and water. We gave him a new train, Gordon, for being so brave. Ryan was not amused with his IV--but was able to keep everything down, so we were discharged pretty quickly.

As we walked to the car, and I carried my sweet cuddly boy, we walked past a waiting room of sick kids. Not flu sick--cancer, broken bone, really sick, sick kids. My heart hurt for all of the mamas I saw. I chided myself for dreading this surgery like I did--they were probably looking forward to their childs' surgery as it was life or death. We only have to carry steroids with us wherever we go, that's it. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and hugged my boy a little tighter.

To all who prayed for us, thank you.

In the waiting room:



Post loopy drug, right before being taken back for the procedure.



He absolutely hated the iv. Can you blame him? He kept saying, "take off, I no like this!"



Clearly, he was happy to get Gordon.



I know this is gross, and I can't even remember what all it is right now--these are the pictures taken during his operation. The top left is the upper airway, the bottom ones are the top and in his bronchials I believe (Matt, these are for you. :) ).



One of my favorite verses that was sent to me today is Zephaniah 3:17, which, incidently, is Ryan's favorite song ("Mighty to Save"). "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He wil quiet you with His love, He will rejoie over you with singing." (thanks, Emily!).

My anxious heart

I know that the Lord promises to give peace. I know that He faithfully loves me and promises hope and rest.

The problem is, my head can know that all day long, but my heart is still filled with fear. I'm not an anxious person by nature, and on the scale of "mommy worry" I'm generally pretty low, that generally just isn't my particular area to struggle with. This week isn't generally.

Ryan's surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning. I know in my head that in the grand scheme of surgeries this isn't a big deal (but so help me, if another person flippantly tells me that I might smack them) and that he will be fine, but I'm worried. I honestly tear up every time I let myself think about it. I know it is an irrational fear and it is simply a result of me not trusting the Lord fully, but it's where I'm at.

Tonight as we sat to read our devotion the book randomly opened to the story of Jesus healing the little girl (in case you are unfamiliar, her father went to Jesus to ask Him to heal his daughter, but by the time He got there, she had died. The Bible says Jesus spoke life back into her!). I was crying by the end. As Chris and I were talking, after the kids were down, he said he'd been thinking about Abraham and Isaac. The deepest desire of Abraham's heart was to have a son, and God gave him a son. But God wants to be loved first. He tested Abraham. We believe in the sovereignty of God--that God holds little Ryan in His mighty hands and is fully in control. Do I trust God when it means relinquishing my mommy control? Evidently, only kicking and screaming.

Please pray for Ryan on Thursday morning--for safety and health (and that the doctors would find what they need, he would wake up from the anesthesia, and that he wouldn't have stridor because of the procedure--thus requiring an overnight stay). Please pray for me--to trust in the Lord and for peace in my heart. I know I'm gonna be a wreck watching them take him back when I can't be with him.

Down for the count

We're dropping like flies over here.

So Chris and I did the driver swap at church yesterday (I drove Anna-Kate and I to church, then Chris drove the boys out and stayed for church while I took the kids home). It's actually a great system, I just pushed it yesterday (you could also insert last years rant on daylight savings time. I'll save myself the effort of re-writing. My feelings are still the same. AND, one would think that at least I would be on time to church, but since I had the "extra hour" I, for some reason, felt no need to set my alarm. Yep, late.). Obviously, the boys stayed home because they were sick. Jack's cough is still horrible and Saturday night, Ryan was coughing so hard I gave him his steroid and spent the evening praying we wouldn't end up in the hospital. Thankfully, the Lord answered my (and many others') prayers and he completely quit coughing 30 minutes after the rx!

Anywho. I really needed some baby food and I had coupons for free food, but the brand is mostly sold at Toys R Us. So, I decided it would be fun to stop and grab some cereal and puffs at the largest toy store in the area with 3 recovering kids. Brilliant, I know. We started off strong. Evidently, yesterday marked the first day of Christmas in the retail world. Christmas music, trees, and blowout sale. I simply had to partake, so I got "Hi-Ho Cherio" and "Cooties" for my kids' Christmas for $3 each (after sale and rebate). Ryan was less than thrilled that we only visited the Thomas section for 10 minutes, but he obediently followed (albeit crying). The cashier (new, of course she was) was sweet and tried to ring me out, but couldn't figure out my coupon, called a manager etc. I broke it up into 2 transactions so I could "buy" more free food, the 2nd transaction contained the games. The rebates didn't spit out. I had to wait through the customer service line (this was a universal problem, he he was returning the games and then manually reselling them for the price, less rebate). Ultimately, it was a good thing since I now don't have to mess with a rebate, but we got there at 11:02 and got to Moe's (1 block away) at 12:08. My kids were starving (in their worlds, this was 1pm, remember?). I fed Jack in the car and we headed in. I got the big kids situated, and was halfway through feeding the baby when I heard Ryan say, "I got to go potty Mommy". {of course you do.} I scanned the (packed) restaurant looking for anyone I knew. I saw a little boy we know who was with his dad and siblings (who I don't know) and the woman at the table next to us waved and spoke to him (the dad), so I said a quick prayer and asked her to watch Jack and Anna-Kate as I took Ryan to the potty (I can't believe I'm writing this...).

We finally got home at (new) 1:15. We got the kids down (I say "we" as Chris beat us home from church) and then I promptly started feeling sick. I had to run a couple of errands, so I powered through. Poor call. I was dizzy, nauseous and experience the "belly rumblings". I came home and as I fed the baby, willing myself not to throw up, I heard Chris yelling my name. Anna-Kate had thrown up everywhere (including, all of her open tag books. God bless Chris for cleaning that up!). We got baths and turned on a show to sit together and veg and she did it again. I'm praying it's food poisoning so we'll feel better today. Also, added bonus of her throwing up, she can't go to school (again) and I now get to take all 3 to Ryan's pre-op appointment today in the middle of Jack's morning nap (while still "recovering" from blasted Daylight savings time). Yippee.

(On the up side, I didn't have to cook dinner.)

I laid in bed from 6-7:30. I felt OK as long as I didn't move, but if I moved at all I started getting the cold sweats. I carefully got up, fed the baby and helped Chris get them all to bed, then went back to bed. Fortunately I read my email on my phone where a girl emailed me to ask what time she could pick up the towels. I had promised her to monogram her towels by today and had completely forgotten with the craziness of the shows/sick kids last week and then sick kids/self this weekend. I emailed her back to assure her I would have them then stumbled down stairs to do it. Sigh. She emailed me back and said, "you must be superwoman to handle everything at once." I had to laugh (and, sidenote, isn't the word "mom" synonymous with "superwoman" anyway?)

If you only knew.

Funny boy

Ryan: "I turned off Jack's sound machine! Yay Ryan!"
Me: "You went in Jack's room? Did you wake him up?" (I may or may not have escalated in pitch the further along I got in my questions.)
Ryan: "Ummm, no?"

I went in to Jack's room where the sound machine was indeed off, the light was on and Jack was sitting in his crib blinking at the light. He started crying upon seeing me. Good morning, folks.

***

Me: "Ryan, I want you to pick up all the play food and put it away please."
Ryan: "Ryan's face sad."
Me: "Why is Ryan's face sad, buddy?"
Ryan: "Because my face sad and I can't smile and no clean up toys."
Me: "Ryan, you don't tell Mommy 'no'."
Ryan: "No thanks, Mommy."

It's pouring over here

You know, "when it rains it pours..."

(Witty, I know.)

It's been a week. Let me recap. Anna-Kate got sick on Sunday--nasty cough and crazy fever. (So, there ya go, that's why there has been no posting). Monday, we stayed home and tried to get healthy. Tuesday I woke up and left to vote at 7:10 (brrr and it was dark). That afternoon Jack started getting it and Anna-Kate woke up from her sleep with a 103 fever. I tried to get the pediatric nurse on the phone to consult with but after pushing the corresponding number for my request I heard, "adult scheduling". No, peds. It took 15 minutes to get through because Jack was crying and it kept interrupting the voice prompts. I finally got an appointment (for 6:15) and took her to the pediatrician. They did x-rays to rule out pneumonia (because she's had it before). While there the on-call doctor found that she had so much earwax in her ears that she couldn't see if her ears were infected or not (ewww!). I'll spare you the details. Bottom line, by the end of it, the nurse and I were both trying to hold Anna-Kate down to get it out (via warm water pic after a "loosening" medicine was applied). Evidently, when the chunk of wax came out the water shot straight to her eardrum. Poor girl. She told us to come back on Thursday for a nurse appointment to get the rest of it out later. We finally left at 8:15 (she hadn't even had dinner--poor thing!). Wednesday was spent at home, cabin fever was peaking as everyone was feeling pretty good, but stuck. I was also trying to clean and get my things together for the holiday open house I was hosting. I had some of the things I sell, plus 5 various friends' small business stuff. So fun! My mom drove up to help me with sick kids/time stuff. The open house was 9-12 and 7-9 today, and 9-12 tomorrow. {I'm tired.}

Are you still there? There's more. Riveted? Thought so.

I got a call from the pediatrician this morning who wanted me to get Anna-Kate on amoxicillan to "nip in the bud" any borderline pneumonia (after reviewing the xrays). Mom graciously went to pick up the rx for me. Jack started getting more sick, so much so that I had to turn him over my knee and hit his back because he was choking on his mucous. With my friends' RSV scare I decided to take him in. I spent almost an hour trying to get connected to ^%@$$!%#&^*$@ Kaiser. My friend stopped in to check out the wares, so all of the kids were running around crazy well in to my happy time, err, naptime. While she was browsing, I received a call from the hospital where Ryan will have his surgery to say that his case history "failed" and we had to go back down for a pre-op appointment with anesthesiology. (while I was reaching for the phone I knocked an entire tupperware of homemade applesauce on the floor. It landed perfectly face down. I was speechless with the misfortune.) She gave me the option of Monday at 9:30 or 12. I opted for 9:30, but it should be interesting trying to get there on time with school drop off and traffic. I'm too tired to write about the annoyance of trying to get Anna-Kate's ear looked at by a nurse (you know, what the first doctor told me to do). Bottom line...Chris' job starts (along with our new insurance) on the 15th. There is no looking back! :) Jack is technically fine--just miserable with a "nasty cold". Thankfully, no pneumonia. So, the plan is to sell a lot of stuff tomorrow (to afford the massage I desperately need after carrying at least one sick child around all day since Sunday and sewing all night). Though it's been steady, I've been underwhelmed at the number of people who showed up (despite rsvp's via evite). O well, hoping for a busier morning tomorrow!

Boo! Halloween 2010 :)

Yes, we trick-or-treat. My kids think of halloween as a fun time to wear dress-up out of the house (special treat) and a time to get candy. End of story.

We got some serious mileage out of our costumes this year (and, since I made them, I was happy to see the effort put to good use!).

{quick recap: Thursday: Ryan's party at school, Friday morning: Anna-Kate's party at school, Friday afternoon: MOMS club party, Saturday afternoon: neighborhood happy hour, Saturday night: trick-or-treating, Sunday evening: trick-or-treating part II}.

We are so blessed to have good friends in our neighborhood, and always enjoy our time!

Introducing, Peter Pan.



Unreal how hard it is to get a decent picture of 3 kids at the same time. If only I could copy and paste faces from one to the other...



So, we tried a change of venue. Still OK, not amazing, but we'll take it!



Flying Peter Pan!



Family shot



The neighborhood Mommies!



Happy girl! What joy her smile is.



The sweetest, cuddliest, happy guy ever--cute lil' Pan.



Sure love this girl!



Rare smiling Ryan in front of a camera (courtesy of the apple for the green teeth)



I feel the same way about diet coke....just kidding. Poor guy, I forgot toys for him, so the (unopened) diet coke can was his toy. He liked the reflectiveness. :)



Group shot of all of the kids!



My 3 in the mix (Anna-Kate is loving being big enough to hold Jack!)



Trick-or-treat!!





Little Jack is a little too little for the wagon. He made it a good while, but the bumps did him in and he was slouching over. :) Next year, next year (and yes, I'm already thinking about costumes!).