Thursday, August 30, 2012

Perspective

I was bemoaning getting out of bed to go downstairs to go pack the boys' lunch. Chris reminded me that in a few years there won't ever be a need to pack a lunch again. Perspective.

I was driving home from picking up the boys and Mark was screaming hysterically and I found myself longing for the day that he is old enough to just chill in his carseat. Then I remembered I will never have a little one who needs me and wants to be held so desperately again. Perspective.

I was frustrated with Jack...for having his hands in everything, for typing while I was typing, for having an accident, for asking me "why" so.many.times...I put him down, out of my lap and his sweet little voice said, "Sawry Mommy. I want to smuggle wit you Mommy". Pangs of guilt. This is the two year old season. Perspective.

I spent another day in the car (drove carpool 4 different times that day) and was resenting my new life lived in my car with no time between carpool and nursing (another thing I feel like I'm always doing) to string 30 minutes together to actually accomplish anything. Then the feelings of guilt for running an errand in the 30 minute block of time that Mark could actually get a nap in his bed. And guilt for schlepping him everywhere. And guilt for his schedule constantly being in flux. And guilt that I just want him to stop crying and be a laid back baby, which he just is not.

But then I remembered, I'm living the dream. My dream, my goal in life, to be a stay at home mom to the four children I had always prayed to the Lord to give me. I signed on for carpool, and soccer practice and cheerleading camp and packing lunches and crying babies and snuggling (and even manipulative) two year olds. I signed on for poopy pants, spilled milk, toys always under foot. I signed on for dirt tracked in, muddy clothes and bloody noses. I prayed for sweet moments of joy--praying with my kids, seeing their hearts, dancing to Disney songs, playing in the rain, making cookies...

Perspective. Above all else, I am blessed beyond words. Now I just need to pray my heart to fully "get" what my head already knows.

7 comments:

EmilyV said...

You are a better woman than I am. I freely confess that one of my reasons for homeschooling is so that I don't have to do carpool or pack lunches.

And I here you on the fussy 4th child. Mine is still very high needs.

Tate Family said...

One word: YES!

Christina said...

Beautifully said Janelle! I was having the same conversation in my own little head this morning. We watched a video of Cora at about 2 years old last night. And all I could think of is how LITTLE she was then, about the same age as Lucas and Liam now, and how FAST it has gone. Perspective is everything- and the kids will never be this age any other day in their lives. Through the monotony of some of the less than fun tasks of motherhood, it is often difficult to keep in mind how precious and fleeting each and every day is in the lives of our kids. We are so blessed to have healthy kids and wonderful little families! I am trying to enjoy all my babies and their "needs"... and am starting to realize that all too soon that time will pass, and I know I will miss it!

The Bartons said...

Soooo true. Needed to read this today bc I just had a boo hoo day where all I did was complain and whine in my head....I'm tired, why can't my husband be home even to put the kids down for the 4 th night in a row...why did I bother to make a nice meal when he showed up 2 hrs later...waa was waa. I snapped at Noah way too many times and after his bath I just cried. I thought...why? Why has mommy hood turned me in to such a beatch!? Then my sweet boy Looked at my tears and wiped them away and gave me a big hug and started pointing at my mole on my face. Lol perspective is so true. Thanks my friend.

Leslie said...

So true! Thanks!!

emilie said...

Good reminder! This is the kind of thing I have to remind myself of all.the.time. :) But it does help with the old attitude to just pause and think about it for a second.

Mom's Blog said...

You got the picture much sooner than many do. I love this post! One thing we learned as the kids got older was the privilege of driving them places as pre-teens. It was precious time when they didn't have to look us in the eye, but could talk about all sorts of things. Good times now, good times ahead. Love you!