In our house we place a high importance on relationship. I want my kids to be best friends. I know that will not always be practical, but I believe that a sibling relationship is more important, often, than a friendship, (especially at a young age)--because family will always be family.
That said, Anna-Kate and Ryan are the best of friends. They play together really well and genuinely miss each other if one is away. Both days that Anna-Kate has been at school Ryan has asked repeatedly, "where's Tate, where's Tate?". He was beyond thrilled when it was finally time to pick her up. We had plans to pick up one of the girls from her class too. The girls rushed in the house and ran immediately up to Anna-Kate's room to play (and subsequently, shut the door as "no boys are allowed"). Ryan was crushed. It made my heart so sad to see that. I pulled her aside and told her that Ryan was going to nap soon and to let him play since they would have plenty of time to play alone this afternoon. Was that right? Should I have let it be? Shouldn't it be obvious to her to be kind to her brother? Ryan was all right, we ended up playing trains and reading Thomas books together.
So, here's my question. Where is the line between girls needing space to do "girl things" and being inclusive of siblings? How does one strike a balance?
Ahh, parenting. Just when you get something figured out, the deck of parenting cards gets reshuffled...
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2 comments:
Sounds to me like you did the right thing...boys or girls, you always treat people right, whether or not it fits your own agenda. Matt and Mark parted on less than kind words...and it forever changed how we leave each other and treat each other. Always insist that Biblical principals be followed in childrens' behavior, and you will never have to defend yourself, "Mommy, you let me do this when my friend was over, why do I have to do this now?" You are right to never let the "I want's" to take precedence over the "I ought's".
And, she's a child. Nothing is ever obvious with a child. Children always,by definition, are self willed and seek their own good. You're training...and doing a VERY good job at it! (How many times did I save your hide by reminding your Mom that kids don't think like adults??? Ha!)
Being the youngest of three girls I found myself in Ryan's position often! It was tough. I did not get along great with my oldest sister until I was about 21 and now we are best of friends. I also was a "bother" to my middle sister because I ALWAYS wanted to be by her side at all times! She handled it really well, but my mom made sure I gave her space. The best memories I have is when my sisters INVITED me themselves to be apart of their "playtime" even into high school. Those are special memories. I wouldn't force it all the time, only when needed. You don't want them resenting each other. I think you did what was right. You will know when Anna Kate deserves her space and when she needs to include Ryan. You are such a good mama! :)
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