Transparent

It's been a while. I try and focus on the kids and Chris on the weekends (so there's that excuse) but Monday and Tuesday? Sigh. I just haven't wanted to post. A blog is an interesting thing. In some senses, this is simply a record for me to remember the little things that compile life--the funny things they say, the cute, sweet moments...and the trials and trying moments as a mom (of which, there are plenty). On the other hand, I know that a good many people read my blog and don't want to know the gory details of potty training and how many times Ryan has been disciplined that day. Add to that, I like to have my life together, and I certainly prefer to be perceived as such, and you've got yourself a pickle. And, why I haven't written the past few days.

How's that for an intro?

Jack has been an easy baby most of his life. I was having to wake him at 8:30 am (I know, I know). Anyway, he slowly began waking at 8, then 7:45, then 7:30. I was not amused as I had grown accustomed to my mornings. :) So, one evening as I was dream-feeding at 11 it occured to me that I should "top him off" with the 1 oz of milk I had in the refrigerator. I asked Chris to bring it up, but as it was shy of 1 oz he decided to add 2 oz of formula to it--and it somehow turned into 3 1/2 oz. Jack drank every bit of it. I was shocked, but the next morning he slept until 8:20. So we tried again the next night and the next...all that to say, my body hasn't been making enough milk for him and he's been hungry! So now, every night I nurse at 11 and he gets 4 oz of formula. I do not in anyway believe that formula is rat poison or anything, but I just feel like my body is failing him (and me!). I thought breastfeeding was supply and demand? He's demanding and I've not been outsourcing feedings...so what gives, where's my supply? So there's that.

Now for what I've really been putting off documenting...

We began potty training Ryan February 1 of this past year. He took to it great and I was convinced that "boys are harder than girls to potty train" was absolutely not true in our case. Oh, how I was wrong. After about 4 weeks the newness wore off (I guess?) and he basically stopped caring. To his credit, he was great about pooping on the potty, but could care less if he was soaking wet (he simply would squat to play instead of sitting). We pressed on, for months. He would have great days (and even 3 or 4 days in a row) followed by a day or two of 4 accidents. It really started to bother me. I kept comparing him to Anna-Kate, (took a little longer, but once she got it, she got it) and thinking that by 5 months he was just trying to tick me off (I know, mother of the year, huh?). In June Ryan reached a stage of being TWO--in all of the senses you have heard two year olds described as. Add to that the potty and there were afternoons I told him he needed to play in his room without me because mommy couldn't discipline him in love (not that I was disciplining for accidents, it was that on top of his behavior--always something--just to be clear). So, in July, I told him that boys who went pee-pee in their underpants had to wear diapers. Next accident, I put him back in diapers.

I had failed at potty training.

But, my relationship with Ryan has improved so much and his behavior overall has improved. After quiting, I was able to enjoy my boy and not be frustrated with him. He has been asking constantly to wear his Buzz, Woody and Thomas underpants (and, there is a new James train for him when he fills up a sticker chart of dry underpants) and I said, "when Anna-Kate goes back to school we'll try again". Well, she's back in school. We're trying again. To his credit, he's continued (mostly) pooping in the potty, so we're mostly having to work on pee-pee (which given my options, I guess I'd prefer).

Anyway. There it is. Janelle's official application for mother of the year. :) Say a little prayer for us this week.